Top 20 tips for turning Christian children into atheist adults
But if you're not trying to turn your kids into atheists, I've got apologetics resources to help keep them (and you) on track
A Note to Christian Parents and Pastors
In my almost 20 years of Christian ministry, I’ve encountered an alarming number of Christian parents and clergy who don’t believe active engagement and apologetics is important for helping children hold onto their faith. If you’re reading this article, and especially if you’re subscribed to my Substack, that’s likely not you. But if you’re not sure, or you know someone who thinks this way, well, I want to introduce you to a special type of atheist that deserves your attention.
These atheists were raised in Christian families, and walked away from their faith almost as soon as they left their homes. Many of them are quite bitter about it. In speaking with these atheists, I noticed certain patterns popping up again and again. Things their parents said or didn’t say, things their Sunday School teachers told them, things their families modeled for them, issues their pastors didn’t address. These adult-child interactions were so spiritually detrimental it was as though these parents and pastors were consulting a manual on how to turn Christian children into atheist adults. If such a manual existed, it would read something like this.
Top Ten Tips for Turning Christian Children into Atheist Adults—Version 1
When your children ask difficult questions—especially questions you don’t know how to answer—just tell them God works in mysterious ways and leave it at that.
Resist the urge to ever say “I don’t know; let’s look into that” to your children.
If your children persist in asking difficult questions, make them feel bad about not having enough faith.
If your children express doubts about Christianity, don’t discuss the reasons for their doubts. Just make them feel guilty about it.
Avoid teaching or talking about science to your children. Tell them science is a tool of the enemy.
Avoid talking about reasoned philosophical arguments for claims in the Bible. Ignore the Apostle Paul’s admonition to test everything. Teach your children that all philosophy is vain and deceptive.
If you study the Bible as a family, make sure it’s as boring and confusing as possible.
Don’t consult outside sources for help in preparing your children for life as adult Christians. Avoid apologetics like the plague.
Focus on sin and God’s justice, but not on God’s love and forgiveness. Make sure your children feel like they have to work to earn salvation and God’s love. Bonus points if they feel like they have to work to earn your love.
Make Christian life seem as onerous and joyless as possible to your children. If it doesn’t feel miserable and empty, they’re doing it wrong.
Top Ten Tips for Turning Christian Children into Atheist Adults—Version 2
Don’t make a regular family activity out of reading and discussing the Bible.
Don’t encourage or teach your children how to study the Bible on their own.
Don’t discuss the basics of Christianity with your children. Assume they picked these up through osmosis.
Assume that a superficial understanding of the Bible is the only thing children need to be prepared for life in a world desperate to turn them away from their faith.
Assume that youth groups, vacation Bible school, and mission trips alone will prepare your children for the relentless challenges to faith they’ll face in the world.
If your children express doubts about Christianity, just say “that’s okay” and don’t discuss the reasons for them. Everyone doubts; they’ll get over it.
Don’t encourage your children to pray for boring things like faith, wisdom, and discernment.
Focus on God’s perfect love and forgiveness, but not on sin and God’s perfect justice. Make sure your children know Jesus was just a really nice teacher who tolerated everyone.
Live like you’re a secular family Monday through Saturday. Acting Christian is like those uncomfortable church pants in your closet—for Sundays only.
Demonstrate to your children that you don’t take the Bible too seriously. Model for your children the idea that having faith in God and Jesus Christ means making no sacrifices, no difficult decisions, and no real efforts to defend their faith.
Phew.
Obviously, the goal is not to make atheists out of your Christian children, but rather to strengthen their faith and make them impervious to attack. But you won’t do this by under-preparing your children in their faith and overprotecting them from exposure to the strategies and tactics of their spiritual enemies.
I don’t have to tell most of you how critical it is that Christian children learn to articulate the core tenets of Christianity. Yet it’s surprising how many self-described “former Christians” lack a clear understanding of them. Would this knowledge have kept every single one of them from leaving the faith as adults? Probably not, but they would have at least understood what they were abandoning. Don’t overlook this essential aspect of raising Christian children into faith-filled adults.
And while teaching the basics of Christianity is essential, I believe it’s not enough. Not in this technological, scientific, and information-driven age. With all forms of media and peers constantly challenging their faith and numerous temptations surrounding them, I believe apologetics is a crucial supplement to equip children to understand and defend their beliefs. It may not prevent every single child from leaving his or her faith as an adult, but it will prevent many—and it will force the ones who do to be honest about why they’re leaving.
Many Christian parents and youth pastors, however, hesitate to teach apologetics or address challenging topics because they lack the confidence to do so. I get that. No one can be an expert in every topic. However, this hesitation can develop into a fear that rejects apologetics as unnecessary or even harmful. In some cases, otherwise caring adults may unintentionally guilt children for questioning or doubting, or they may avoid these issues altogether, hoping for the best.
Are these good strategies?
If you’re not sure, think of it this way. Many of you have children on sports teams. You wouldn’t tolerate a coach who failed to prepare your children for competition. If a coach never made your children learn and practice the skills they needed to win, you would find a new coach. If a coach avoided games against tough teams because he was afraid your children would be discouraged, you would complain that your children weren’t being prepared for the big game at the end of the season. But how many of you are letting this happen to your children spiritually?
Whether in preparation for athletics, adult life, or the spiritual struggles they will face throughout their lives, children must be made ready for adversity. Christian parents and clergy are failing their children as badly as the worst possible coaches when they leave young Christians defenseless for the religious battles they will eventually face.
If you’re already involved in apologetics, you’re aware of the challenges ahead and are motivated to help your children. If you want to get involved but lack confidence or aren’t sure where to start, the good news is that you don’t have to have all the answers. There are many excellent resources out there, many caring and knowledgeable Christians who have designed material to equip you and your children. I list many of them below. I’m personally writing some books that address the most difficult scientific questions, and will let you know when they’re available.
As the Bible tells us, the war has already been won, all we have to do is claim the victory. Christian apologetics is designed to help you coach your children to do just that.
Apologetics Resources
All books by J. Warner Wallace, including his best-selling Cold-Case Christianity. Jim, a retired cold-case homicide detective, is a personal friend of mine, and I’m a huge fan of his logical, investigative approach to Christianity. He’s just released a best-selling graphic novel, which I’ll be reviewing soon.
William Lane Craig’s Reasonable Faith ministry. Craig, who has two PhDs, is one of the top Christian philosophers in the world. He’s such a formidable philosopher and debater that Richard Dawkins has refused to publicly debate him. He’s written numerous books, he answers hundreds of difficult questions on his treasure-trove of a website, and his many lectures and debates with atheists are on YouTube.
The Science of God by Gerald Schroeder. This was the first apologetics-style book I read as a new theist, and it convinced me to start reading the Bible. A life-changing book for anyone who’s interested in the intersection of science and the Bible.
All books by John Lennox, a mathematician and brilliant Christian apologist (with three PhDs), along with his many lectures, debates, and Q&As on YouTube. He’s one of my all-time favorite apologists for his composed yet extremely sharp style of addressing topics and answering questions. Check out some of his videos on YouTube. You won’t be disappointed.
Mama Bear Apologetics by Hillary Morgan Ferrer. Ferrer equips Christian parents to teach kids how to discern truth from cultural lies using the “ROAR” method. With humor and practical strategies, she promotes critical thinking and biblical convictions to raise confident, faith-filled children.
The Soul of Science by Nancy Pearcey and Charles Thaxton. One of my favorite books for the way it concisely builds the case that modern science has its roots in Christian ideals and assumptions. No Christian parent or pastor will ever be afraid of science once they know that it’s built on the foundation of faith in God and Jesus Christ.
Frank Turek’s CrossExamined.org ministry. Turek, famous for his book, I Don’t Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist, started his ministry in 2006, just like me. He’s focused on addressing skepticism and defending Christianity, particularly among youth. He’s got an engaging, approachable style, but pulls no punches with his answers—his Q&As with seekers and atheists on YouTube are legendary.
Some of my favorite apologetics YouTube channels:
Whaddo You Meme?? hosted by Jon McCray. Provides thoughtful Christian commentary on culture, responding to anti-Christian memes, videos, and popular culture events with a focus on apologetics (mostly non-scientific, but still extremely important topics). The channel aims to help viewers understand how Christianity makes sense of life, fostering spiritual growth and engagement with the Gospel through well-researched content.
Daily Dose of Wisdom hosted by Brandon McGuire. Focuses on Christian apologetics, offering daily content to equip believers and engage skeptics with thoughtful discussions on faith, science, and culture. The channel fosters open conversations, addressing objections to Christianity while promoting a message of love and wisdom rooted in biblical teachings.
Inspiring Philosophy hosted by Michael Jones. Explores Christian apologetics, philosophy, and theology through well-researched, visually engaging videos addressing topics like the existence of God, biblical reliability, and responses to skepticism. The channel aims to provide intellectual and accessible content to strengthen faith and encourage critical thinking among believers and seekers alike.
Capturing Christianity hosted by Cameron Bertuzzi. Dedicated to Christian apologetics, featuring discussions, debates, and interviews with scholars to defend the truth of Christianity and address skeptical objections. The channel aims to equip believers with intellectual tools and foster respectful dialogue with those exploring faith or holding differing views. I appreciate Bertuzzi’s willingness to delve into topics many apologists shy away from, like the spiritual realm, Christian persecution, and Islam.
Pints with Aquinas hosted by Matt Fradd. Explores Catholic theology, philosophy, and apologetics through engaging discussions, interviews, and reflections, often inspired by the teachings of St. Thomas Aquinas. The channel aims to deepen viewers' faith and understanding of Christianity while addressing contemporary issues with clarity, humor, and intellectual rigor. While I’m not Catholic, I appreciate Fradd’s content and style. His Tolkien-themed interview with Ben Reinhard is one of my faves.
And there are many more. I’m sure I’ve inadvertently left off some great stuff. If you’re into apologetics and I haven’t listed your favorite resources here, please mention them in the comments.
Related:
Top 10 reasons I’ll never go back to atheism
Top three bogus questions atheists like to ask Christians
Liked this article? Share it with a friend who’d enjoy the science-and-faith conversation. If you’re a free subscriber who would like to support my work, you can upgrade to a paid subscription (which comes with some perks).
11. Teach your children that if they only pray hard enough and have enough faith, God will necessarily talk to them. If He hasn't, that must mean they weren't praying hard enough or it wasn't real faith.
Your first list absolutely described to the letter the “Christian” high school I attended.
This message is incredibly important. I wrote my grad thesis as an argument for why and how we as churches should be teaching teenagers and young adults apologetics. As part of that research I surveyed about 100 pastors across the country. Most did not even respond which I kind of expected.
Of those who did respond a disturbing number said why would they do that as it would be preaching to the choir. Their answer presumed all who attended their services were Christians. I don’t know if that came from ignorance or arrogance, but it was shocking either way.